this one started as a sentence fragment:
...which was then distilled to something more senryu-esque:
I’m still trying to decide which I like better...
how thoughtful of the train
to give me so much time
to solve the master sudoku
...which was then distilled to something more senryu-esque:
train running late
I solve
the master sudoku
I’m still trying to decide which I like better...
posted by extraspecialbitter at 1:21 PM
6 Comments:
i like the first one a little better, but just by a little.
and what about dog? is he still waiting? :)
I like second one better because it says the same with less. Although, I think it still lacks something.
brian / ricardas - thank you for visiting and commenting. the dog is fast asleep on my pillow as usual. :^)
I agree that this would require more work to be a good haiku. for now it's just a pencil sketch and not a painting.
Something from the first one,
mostly from the second one;
one suggestion:
train running late
gave me time to solve
the master sudoku
...giving .?.
Ps. My 'sin' is very often to take too much away from the original, too.
I think the second one says all that needs saying, and, as Basho said, "Why say everything?"
i like the second one better. there's all i need to know.
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