Freedom Trail —
a stray dog sniffs
a black plastic trash bag
posted by extraspecialbitter at 9:54 PM
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poet, technologist, cynic,
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Wednesday, January 18, 2006
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4 Comments:
whew. 'a black plastic trash bag' is a lot of 'a' sounds. very nearly a tongue twister. but other than that, an observation with undertones of an accurate social statement.
eric - good observation. The third line is uncharacteristically wordy for me. I think I was trying to capture the image with 100% accuracy at the expense of language. Better to alter the image to achieve clarity of speech. Perhaps something like:
Freedom Trail --
a stray dog sniffs
a paper bag
while the first version is wordy, i liked the word 'trash' as sometimes the trail (to whatever freedom you seek) involves something commonplace and unpleasant like garbage.
mindful walk . . .
the snowman
pooping coal
Paul,
Great blog. Thanks for linking to kami haiku. I will return the link. I really like the design, too, in addition to the haiku.
kami
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